Tag: grief
What I Want You to Know About My Imperfect Wife / Your Perfect Mom
We were waiting in line at Legoland for a roller coaster you had been wanting to try all day when you started to get anxious. “I want to get out of the line,” you said. “I don’t want to do this ride anymore.” I… Continue Reading “What I Want You to Know About My Imperfect Wife / Your Perfect Mom”
What I Want You to Know About Faded Memories
Your memories of your mom are fading, as much as we both fight to keep them alive. More and more when I ask you if you remember the way she would do something or something she liked to say, the answer is, “No.” “Do… Continue Reading “What I Want You to Know About Faded Memories”
What I Want You to Know About a Life Unfinished
I used to get on the roof every now and then to blow leaves out of the gutter or trim back the overhanging branches from the neighbor’s tall tree. It felt a little, well, reckless. I’ve heard enough stories about dads and grandpas falling… Continue Reading “What I Want You to Know About a Life Unfinished”
To my wife, on the anniversary of her death
My Dude, You’ve been gone a year. The enormity of this anniversary has loomed for a while but now that it’s here I’m having a hard time coming to grips with the reality of it. A year without you. I lived twenty-two years without… Continue Reading “To my wife, on the anniversary of her death”
What I Want You to Know About All the First Year Milestones
We’re a few days away from the one-year anniversary of your mom’s death, which means we are almost done with all the first-year milestones. Father’s Day and Mother’s Day; each of our birthdays; Thanksgiving and Christmas; the wedding anniversary; the one-month mark and the… Continue Reading “What I Want You to Know About All the First Year Milestones”
What I Want You to Know About Being Your Surviving Parent
I binge watched After Life, a show about a man whose wife has recently died from cancer, about a month into the pandemic. A strange coincidence, since we didn’t know about your mom’s metastatic breast cancer at the time, let alone how quickly it… Continue Reading “What I Want You to Know About Being Your Surviving Parent”
What I Want You to Know About Mother’s Day
The first Mother’s Day or Father’s Day after a parent has died signals a change of remembering. No longer is it about remembering to put cards in the mail, to order flowers to be delivered, to wake up early and make the parent breakfast… Continue Reading “What I Want You to Know About Mother’s Day”
What I Want You to Know on My 39th Birthday
I sit outside under the shade of the carport on our back patio, enjoying the view of our newly sodded backyard. The sprinkler spins rhythmically. Ozzy runs through the falling water and rolls around on the green grass, delighting in the novelty of the… Continue Reading “What I Want You to Know on My 39th Birthday”
What I Want You to Know About Trust
The day we found out about your mom’s cancer recurrence, we told you that she was sick again. We didn’t use the word “cancer.” We hadn’t used that word with you three years earlier when your mom first went through treatment, and we weren’t… Continue Reading “What I Want You to Know About Trust”
What I Want You to Know About Finding Space to Heal
Grief travels from one person to the next, one loss calling to mind another loss and perhaps all loss, until sadness and despair can seem to build and multiply, leaving little room for hope or joy. Yes, like a virus, grief is a thing… Continue Reading “What I Want You to Know About Finding Space to Heal”
A Widowed Father 